This morning I woke up after a terrible sleep, half missing my sister who I'd dropped off yesterday and half feeling terrible vibes perhaps as a result of seeing mum or having mum here a few days ago, and rushed outside to take the rubbish and recycling out.
I was more grumpy than normal, seeing as recycling used to be my favourite thing about living here in Rotorua. Our recycling centre was simply outstanding. Now we have bins. Not as satisfying doing the sorting, yet still helpful to the environment.
Grumpy I guess because I'd been woken up by a pretty horrendous dream where my mum had put lots of new things I'd bought into the rubbish bin and my old friends from university that I don't talk to anymore but still would like to... helped me break into my apartment building as I'd left my keys inside, where I found a new flatmate - a korean girl - and my friends helped me sort out the stuff my mum had thrown away. Unfortunately that stuff ended up in the middle of The Warehouse and I then had to sort out that mess.
Then I woke up. To take the rubbish and recycling out.
Let me just break the dream down a bit for my sanity.
1. A reminder that mum gets too involved and treads heavy on my soul, chucks things that I'm not ready to be removed from just yet.
2. A greatful thanks to my sister for being here to help me declutter and remove objects in my house that were clogging up my brain and soul and giving me a great setting for a demo video to get onto the Hoarders tv programme...
3. A reminder to take the rubbish and recycling out before the trucks came.
4. My subconcious' way of dealing with difficult issues that I can't quite do in real life just yet. I feel like I need to have trauma counselling done before I can talk to those friends again. Mainly because they are triggers to that trauma and because they still associate with those that caused the trauma.
5. My mum still has a hold over me. I can't quite get rid of all of it until my sister is older and then she can't use it against me.
Regardless... once I'd done all that... I got an email from a friend who had been thinking of me and saw a job on Seek. Clicking the link, I saw that the MindLab is looking for a new facilitator on the West Coast near Nelson and Blenheim.
It asked for a passionate person. That was the first thing that stopped me. The second was the need for a masters and 8 years of teaching experience. Both of which I don't have. Hopefully the right person applies because it would be awesome to have the MindLab down there!!
Back to the passionate thing.
I don't know whether it's because I woke up tired, grumpy, dealing with sub-concious thoughts in my dream... but I don't know whether I'm still that passionate teacher. I struggled most of last year to find my place in a changing landscape. Hopefully this year things will be a bit more sorted and I can actually just be me. The passionate teacher I know I am... but still need more sleep. It's 8.34am for god's sake haha
Anyway... random thoughts... a very random post for now. Been a while. Hopefully this clears the 2016 juju on my blogging and I can start writing again properly.